gf problems

[notroubleclubber]

I like to keep my finances in order. I have no overdraft and never spend over my limit. This is all because I got into a lot of debt before and I've learnt my lesson.

However my gf of 6 yrs (we also have a daughter) is a spender. She does work part time but i know she spends more than she gets.
I've quizzed her on this and she swears she's in control of her money though it doesn't stop her spending.
We have seperate accounts but i pay all the bills except for shopping for the week. I've managed to save a few quid and have put it in a safe where she has no access. However she keeps telling me to live s little and spend some. I've put it away for emergency (we rent so in case of moving out, car breaks down etc).

I've recently found out (she don't know I know) that she's got a 1.6k overdraft and she's over it. She's also asking for more control over the money.
I know she wastes money but I also believe she's been helping out her family too (they are big spenders and are always borrowing). She swears she hasn't as she has been burnt by them in the past - so have I.

What do I do? I've asked her to sit down with me tonight to work out our finances.
I don't want to pay off her overdraft as I don't trust her not to rack it up again.

What would u do?

[vinny19791]

Confront her man

[gearinator]

When you say she's asking for more control over the money, what exactly does she intend to have/want control of?

[Semproxion]

If it weren't for the kid I'd tell you to run a mile tbh.

1.6k overdraft and she's already over the limit. Wanting access to more money just screams to me that she'll spend it irresponsibly instead of paying for essentials. She's coming to you because the bank has said no to increasing her overdraft IMO.

Personally I'd confront her about it all. She needs a lesson in fiscal responsibility. She needs to get that OD down asap as it'll be massively negative on her credit score, which my come and bite you both in the donkey boy later down the line, say should you decide to buy a house.

Don't pay off her debts, she'll not learn that way.

[1994 BRG Coupe]

Your address could be black listed too which would affect your credit rating if your not carefull.

[gearinator]

Your address could be black listed too which would affect your credit rating if your not carefull.

Not over a £1600 overdraft

[notroubleclubber]

I've already got black credit due to my previous financial problems which are now sorted. I'm careful now as learnt my lesson.
Ive seen one of her letters hence how I know. She's always given me another reason for these letters.

The problem is her whole family is like this - always being threatened by courts etc etc. So she has known no better.

I am confronting her tonight. My suspicions is she has lent money to family again . Family that instead of paying off debts decide to spend their money on holidays.

[Punx0r]

The fact you've done similar in the past and learnt from it is a good starting point IMO. Common ground and humility and all that.

[james3990]

'Rovertech'

The community for advice on all your problems, not just cars

I've got erectile dysfunction can anyone give me some advice?

[gearinator]

'Rovertech'

The community for advice on all your problems, not just cars

I've got erectile dysfunction can anyone give me some advice?

Kamagra

[GTMGSPARESLTD]

Is this jeremy kyle.net

[Semproxion]

Give the guy a break. Sometimes it's easier to talk pseudo-anonymously about difficult subjects with relative strangers. It's an entirely different perspective and because you don't know him, your thoughts are likely to be objective based on the facts given.

[Dave_ZS]

weknowalotofthingsnotjustroverstech.net

A few members have got advice on here about something you couldn't openly talk to friends/family about. We really are a helpful lot

[Din]

Is this jeremy kyle.net

Better i think

[edward22]

first things first

can you cover the bills of the house hold. i take it yes .

you are in a rented house . so they wont black list the house . you cant take credit out against it . its not yours....

secondly . your not married. you are not legally responsible for her . only your child.

if she gets black listed their is no way it will effect you .


keep your accounts separate . DO NOT get joint credit or joint accounts . this is a big no no.


i have a 1.5 k over draft and im in it all the time . my experian credit rating is pretty much perfect with a very high score. if shes defaulting on direct debits and the such then this will effect her score.

i have enough in my savings to cover my overdraft ten fold so i never really worry about it.

it will not effect you what so ever when you go to get a house if you get one just in your name . it will only come into play with a joint application.

the bank can put her on a plan to bring her over draft down by 100 pound a month . each month. i had to do this with a ex .

MORE to the point do you care for the girl and do you love her.... forget that shes the mother of your child.

if you do and you want to be with her you will work it out! .

i have recently had a huge argument with my gf over money as well. shes wanting to buy a house, been telling her mates we will be moving in and buying a place together etc etc . she wants to buy a house this year . as of the end of november we would of saved 18k between us for a years saving i dont think thats to bad . but we need effectively 25 k for a 15 percent deposit and money to cover fees.

i have said to her its 50/50 . she does half or not at all . or i buy the place on my own and just charge her rent . lol. and if shes not happy with that then she can bother off lol . but im a cold hearted git lol

women defy logic. they need to just take one step back and take breath . and look at long term .

sounds to me like you have deeper issues than just money . and you should be taking control of her money not she over yours.

you earn it so you decide how to spend it end of!

[notroubleclubber]

Thanks Edward

I do love her however I don't think I can put up with the spending and wasting of money.
The problem is I don't think she will change as she has been brought up like this.

[Marty]

When someone has no value of money they dont understand. As you have said its how she has been brought up so you cant blame the poor girl. What you can do however is to sit with her and try and help her and get her to learn the value of money instead of blowing it. This won't happen overnight as she has known no better so take time to understand her and help her all be it not financially but mentally so to speak to change her ways.

Think of it like this you re home a pet and that pet has been use to just taking a poo where it likes it knows no better you cant get angry with it but with time and effort it will end up asking to go out and use garden instead of indoors.

Im not in any way calling your other half an animal was simply using that as an example.

[bjrespect]

Thanks Edward

I do love her however I don't think I can put up with the spending and wasting of money.
The problem is I don't think she will change as she has been brought up like this.

you need to show her a weekend away what its cost eg a b&b in lakes

then explain we can do this again when funds are replenished

get her envolved that way. DO NOT LET HER TOUCH YOUR ACCOUNT

[618ireland]

I like to keep my finances in order. I have no overdraft and never spend over my limit. This is all because I got into a lot of debt before and I've learnt my lesson.
................................ She's also asking for more control over the money......................
What would u do?

Well I'd initially just mention that you used to be poor with money etc etc and are now in control of it, because of that there's no need to let herself in control of your money.

As mentioned by others it's important to see where she's coming from, you've been there so you can relate

It's also important that at a minimum your good lady acknowledges that you have a right to keep control over your own finances, if she has a problem with this and wants to use your cash (that you've stockpiled for a rainy day to help all of you) than she quite likely has a real disregard for cash or responsibility etc etc.

First things first is to keep control of your funds as you are doing.

than try to help herself, as you know it's a corner that can be turned, she's need to want to go around the corner though

Best of luck.

[1994 BRG Coupe]

How did it go?

You sleeping on the sofa now!

[notroubleclubber]

She's been Ill so haven't pushed it at the mo.

I've worked out her money and it seems she earns enough just to pay her bills. So I think these extra things she's is buying is putting her more into the red.
She says she has an £ 800 overdraft which should be right when she gets her wages and stuff. But then by the time she's come to the end of the month she's back to her £ 1600 overdraft. So if you look at it like that she is £800 into her overdraft when she gets paid.

However she made a big deal bout not going over her overdraft coz charges etc so I'm not sure if she's lying or not.